Tuesday, May 23, 2006
{ 1:47 AM }
I'm home.
It feels so damn good to be home. I don't have to figure out what to eat everyday, I don't have to make my own bed, do my laundry. I can wake up whenever time I want. So sue me. =)
Genting was awesome. I'm enjoying the comforts of my own home too much to post about it now, and besides I'm waiting for the pictures to be sent to me.
We're going to destroy our foundation, the one which took us sweat and blood to built. You know it's engraved on me, the eight on the heart. But for now, it's goodbye.
I'm home.
It feels so damn good to be home. I don't have to figure out what to eat everyday, I don't have to make my own bed, do my laundry. I can wake up whenever time I want. So sue me. =)
Genting was awesome. I'm enjoying the comforts of my own home too much to post about it now, and besides I'm waiting for the pictures to be sent to me.
We're going to destroy our foundation, the one which took us sweat and blood to built. You know it's engraved on me, the eight on the heart. But for now, it's goodbye.
Friday, May 19, 2006
{ 2:24 AM }
For the first time since I've been here I'm not at all keen and hyped up about going back. (I'm going back on Monday by the way, so all you lim-teh ppl please make space for me in your little schedules) It's an unexplainable, indescribable feeling.
I've always set standards for myself. A line drawn between the person I want to be, or rather the person I want people to see me as, and the person I don't want to become. So much is going on in my mind that I think soon enough my brain will explode. I am fickle, fickle as a fiddle. I am so easily influenced by people in my decision making, but I know my standards for myself will stand.
I know the line. I remind myself everyday that that line exists, that I should not become the girl me and my friends talk about, the girl that walks past us with her micromini, her heels of steel and an air of arrogance, the girl thats has the word "bitch" stamped on her forehead.
I dont know where and what this post is supposed to lead to.. but the point is that sometimes we try so hard to become someone we know we don't want to be but then are we depriving ourselves of the chance for our real innate self to show?
Really pointless, headless chicken run, wild goose chase post. Don't read it if it's irrelevant.
I watched Da Vinci by the way. The books a lot better, Tom Hanks (I feel) doesn't suit the role of Robert Langdon. I reckon the movie gives u a better understanding of the book. So yea.. but the company was great though, no doubts about that.
Big Jie I know i asked you not to watch it, but I will watch with you again ok.
I'm going home in 3 days. I don't want to face what I know I will face when i go back. I'm not ready, my thoughts are scattered, actually I don't even know where to start. I don't want to decide. I want to crawl under my blanket, scrunch up into a little ball and hibernate till kingdom come.
For the first time since I've been here I'm not at all keen and hyped up about going back. (I'm going back on Monday by the way, so all you lim-teh ppl please make space for me in your little schedules) It's an unexplainable, indescribable feeling.
I've always set standards for myself. A line drawn between the person I want to be, or rather the person I want people to see me as, and the person I don't want to become. So much is going on in my mind that I think soon enough my brain will explode. I am fickle, fickle as a fiddle. I am so easily influenced by people in my decision making, but I know my standards for myself will stand.
I know the line. I remind myself everyday that that line exists, that I should not become the girl me and my friends talk about, the girl that walks past us with her micromini, her heels of steel and an air of arrogance, the girl thats has the word "bitch" stamped on her forehead.
I dont know where and what this post is supposed to lead to.. but the point is that sometimes we try so hard to become someone we know we don't want to be but then are we depriving ourselves of the chance for our real innate self to show?
Really pointless, headless chicken run, wild goose chase post. Don't read it if it's irrelevant.
I watched Da Vinci by the way. The books a lot better, Tom Hanks (I feel) doesn't suit the role of Robert Langdon. I reckon the movie gives u a better understanding of the book. So yea.. but the company was great though, no doubts about that.
Big Jie I know i asked you not to watch it, but I will watch with you again ok.
I'm going home in 3 days. I don't want to face what I know I will face when i go back. I'm not ready, my thoughts are scattered, actually I don't even know where to start. I don't want to decide. I want to crawl under my blanket, scrunch up into a little ball and hibernate till kingdom come.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
{ 9:40 PM }
It's abnormally unusual for me to post something so sad, dark and pessimistic but I'm feeling shitty so please bear with me.
So current cirsumstances have forced me into my thinking corner. And these few questions seem to consistently manage to find their way through the my channel of thoughts.
Does the much talked about ideal relationship exist? I've seeked for advice and searched deep within for the past few days; and I'm starting to wonder if I already know the answer but just seem to blind myself out to it.
Of the responses I've received, they always seem to be telling me to "listen to my heart" or "you shouldn't commit at such a young age" or "you shouldn't have to succumb yourself to all this" or "you should enjoy your life, have fun and not be tied onto a pole" and the likes.
Advice, I always welcome and I'm ever grateful for your 5 to 10 mins (some, more) to listen to my recurring problems. But is it really possible to live in MY ideal relationship?
I'm going to die a spinster (totally contradicts my previous posts on getting married young). But even if I don't get married I'll go adopt kids so I won't be ALL that lonely.
I'm just emo-ing. I'm trying to get out of that phase.
I promise the next post will be much much happier. Barbeque with pictures too. For now, I'll just bury it with a smile.
I'm hoping your days to come will be much cheerier.
It's abnormally unusual for me to post something so sad, dark and pessimistic but I'm feeling shitty so please bear with me.
So current cirsumstances have forced me into my thinking corner. And these few questions seem to consistently manage to find their way through the my channel of thoughts.
Does the much talked about ideal relationship exist? I've seeked for advice and searched deep within for the past few days; and I'm starting to wonder if I already know the answer but just seem to blind myself out to it.
Of the responses I've received, they always seem to be telling me to "listen to my heart" or "you shouldn't commit at such a young age" or "you shouldn't have to succumb yourself to all this" or "you should enjoy your life, have fun and not be tied onto a pole" and the likes.
Advice, I always welcome and I'm ever grateful for your 5 to 10 mins (some, more) to listen to my recurring problems. But is it really possible to live in MY ideal relationship?
I'm going to die a spinster (totally contradicts my previous posts on getting married young). But even if I don't get married I'll go adopt kids so I won't be ALL that lonely.
I'm just emo-ing. I'm trying to get out of that phase.
I promise the next post will be much much happier. Barbeque with pictures too. For now, I'll just bury it with a smile.
I'm hoping your days to come will be much cheerier.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
{ 4:33 AM }
This is a big shout out to a very special lady...
Happy 18th Birthday Adeline Ng Shin Hui.
This is a big shout out to a very special lady...
Happy 18th Birthday Adeline Ng Shin Hui.
Monday, May 08, 2006
{ 7:33 AM }
Oh, I forgot to mention that this girl had the personality of an angel. She was just the nicest girl you could ever imagine and adorable too. Not to mention sweet, understanding, genuine, selfless, caring....
There was a little girl who at a very tender age was swooped of her home soil and brought to another land of wonderful golden mosques and tax free government rulings. She was educated by the wisest teachers and had wonderful playmates. She knew nothing of the country in which she was born, as far as she was concerned where she was was fine for all that mattered. Life was peachy, just peachy.
On her 18th birthday, her parents told her that it was about time for her to return to home soil to discover her true identity, to understand the land and culture of where her parents were brought up, to experience first had what it means to be a Malaysian.
On the year of her 19th birthday, she was sent back to home soil. Upon touch down, she felt a roller coaster ride of emotions; excitement, eagerness, joy, sadness and fear. She quickly made new friends who reminded her of her old playmates and were just as wonderful as they were. She had new wiser (not too sure bout this point, but just for story's sake...) teachers.
After a few months of being on home soil and breathing in the whole culture of her land (which was not that different from her old land anyway) she finally knew what it felt like to have that sense of love for her country (at this point of writing i sense myself cringe over the last statement), to be amongst people of her own kind. In other words, she felt patriotic.
You know what sparked this sense of 'patriotism'?
.
.
.
.
.
You really want to know?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
On her 18th birthday, her parents told her that it was about time for her to return to home soil to discover her true identity, to understand the land and culture of where her parents were brought up, to experience first had what it means to be a Malaysian.
On the year of her 19th birthday, she was sent back to home soil. Upon touch down, she felt a roller coaster ride of emotions; excitement, eagerness, joy, sadness and fear. She quickly made new friends who reminded her of her old playmates and were just as wonderful as they were. She had new wiser (not too sure bout this point, but just for story's sake...) teachers.
After a few months of being on home soil and breathing in the whole culture of her land (which was not that different from her old land anyway) she finally knew what it felt like to have that sense of love for her country (at this point of writing i sense myself cringe over the last statement), to be amongst people of her own kind. In other words, she felt patriotic.
You know what sparked this sense of 'patriotism'?
.
.
.
.
.
You really want to know?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Thomas & Uber Cup 2006 in Japan where people were hanging on to hopes of wanting Malaysia to win it this year, but sadly didn't. They made it to the semi finals, losing to Denmark. But point of the story is, the girl found her sense of patriotism, along with all her other playmates who were devastated by the fact that they didn't win thus ridding the possibility of them having a celebratory, champion holiday. But China won, and the girl didn't feel to horrible about that 'cos she herself was Chinese. (LOL)
Non the less the girl was proud of herself and a job well done. She wrote back to her parents explaining her delight. And they were so proud of her.
Non the less the girl was proud of herself and a job well done. She wrote back to her parents explaining her delight. And they were so proud of her.
-The End -
This is a fictional story for your reading pleasure, author will not be held responsible for any misinterpretations or whatsoever insults you could have possible received
Oh, I forgot to mention that this girl had the personality of an angel. She was just the nicest girl you could ever imagine and adorable too. Not to mention sweet, understanding, genuine, selfless, caring....
Saturday, May 06, 2006
{ 8:14 PM }
Today marks a milestone. It's our four year anniversary. Amazing.
Four years ago, we were young, in school uniforms and in love with basketball. We met through a mutual friend, he the big flirt with a girlfriend, I the plain Jane that somewhere, somehow stood out from the queue of girls wanting him. He would call incessantly, we would talk till 6 sunrise and had to attend school but it'd end up getting no where 'cos I just didn't want to be the chisel and with his personality I knew I had to give up a lot of me and my lifestyle for him. He was persistent and sweet as heck. The hard boulder I call my heart gave way.
The first few months were hard, unlike the typical 'start sweet end up dull' relationship, but then again we're not really your everyday, average couple. We argued, adjusted, argued, compromised (it's all about the compromise), argued, made up, argued some more! I guess in that sense it was different because we argued to, in a retardedly speaking way, prepare ourselves mentally for the future, we "suffered" for the cause of a better tomorrow. And it worked, look at where we are now, the occassional arguments but nothing ginormous.
Through the years we have been through hell and back, hand in hand. We've been through a period i call the dark era, where he was my light, my ONLY source. We've been through the family wars and disapprovals. We've been through the passing of loved ones. We've been through authority visits time and time. We've been through periods of deflation. We've been through periods of poverty.
We went through a time without each other. It was the hardest I had ever have to do. I'd drive on the roads looking out for his car just to catch a glimpse of him. I'd been tempted by the devil to send him a text but would withdraw after much thought. We'd be listening to the same song at the same moment. And when we finally met after a period of silence, we both had the same thinking of wardrobe choice. It was a dramatic period. Ask my friends and they'd think so too. It was a time that really, trully led us to believe that we were fated and meant for each other among all things.
Whenever posed the question of how we manage to stay together. There is no secret. We've worked hard to get to where we are. Our interests held us together; our love of the game, ice cream, Tekken, rummy, football matches, pizza hut, old movies, Grand Theft Auto, our friends and alll the drama in that circle, the list is endless. Our differences gave us the initiative to try something new, not always successful and not always good, might I add.
Four years down the road, you just can't help but look back and reminiscise.
Ten things you do not, might not or wouldn't have known about us:
a. We both want to get married young, regardless of money, job security all that nonsense.
b. We love kids and want to have with 3 or 5. LOL
c. My parents disapprove of us. They're not meant to know we're together now (so high school!).
d. He's the big spender in the relationship, I'm the stingy, money controlling woman.
e. He quit smoking for me. My biggest achievement! =
f. We have co-habitted for a week without my parents knowledge and I loved it.
g. We have never been together for a movie together for more than 5 times.
h. He's the neat freak in the relationship, I'm the messy lazy one.
i. We both have a fetish for tattoos.
j. We both love Swenson's 'Sticky Chewy Chocolate' A LOT! =)
All the cliched, sappy love phrases like "I can't live without you in my life", or "You are my sunshine that brightens my day" and all that other stuff that I cannot bear to even mention for fear of feeling too grossed out myself, applies here.
Oh and I forgot to mention that the worst thing is that I'm all the way here and he's all the way there. Oh well c'est la vie. And to everyone else who's repulsed by my post, sod off but please come back for the next post.
It's a beautiful Sunday morning.
Today marks a milestone. It's our four year anniversary. Amazing.Four years ago, we were young, in school uniforms and in love with basketball. We met through a mutual friend, he the big flirt with a girlfriend, I the plain Jane that somewhere, somehow stood out from the queue of girls wanting him. He would call incessantly, we would talk till 6 sunrise and had to attend school but it'd end up getting no where 'cos I just didn't want to be the chisel and with his personality I knew I had to give up a lot of me and my lifestyle for him. He was persistent and sweet as heck. The hard boulder I call my heart gave way.
The first few months were hard, unlike the typical 'start sweet end up dull' relationship, but then again we're not really your everyday, average couple. We argued, adjusted, argued, compromised (it's all about the compromise), argued, made up, argued some more! I guess in that sense it was different because we argued to, in a retardedly speaking way, prepare ourselves mentally for the future, we "suffered" for the cause of a better tomorrow. And it worked, look at where we are now, the occassional arguments but nothing ginormous.
Through the years we have been through hell and back, hand in hand. We've been through a period i call the dark era, where he was my light, my ONLY source. We've been through the family wars and disapprovals. We've been through the passing of loved ones. We've been through authority visits time and time. We've been through periods of deflation. We've been through periods of poverty.
We went through a time without each other. It was the hardest I had ever have to do. I'd drive on the roads looking out for his car just to catch a glimpse of him. I'd been tempted by the devil to send him a text but would withdraw after much thought. We'd be listening to the same song at the same moment. And when we finally met after a period of silence, we both had the same thinking of wardrobe choice. It was a dramatic period. Ask my friends and they'd think so too. It was a time that really, trully led us to believe that we were fated and meant for each other among all things.
Whenever posed the question of how we manage to stay together. There is no secret. We've worked hard to get to where we are. Our interests held us together; our love of the game, ice cream, Tekken, rummy, football matches, pizza hut, old movies, Grand Theft Auto, our friends and alll the drama in that circle, the list is endless. Our differences gave us the initiative to try something new, not always successful and not always good, might I add.
Four years down the road, you just can't help but look back and reminiscise.
Ten things you do not, might not or wouldn't have known about us:
a. We both want to get married young, regardless of money, job security all that nonsense.
b. We love kids and want to have with 3 or 5. LOL
c. My parents disapprove of us. They're not meant to know we're together now (so high school!).
d. He's the big spender in the relationship, I'm the stingy, money controlling woman.
e. He quit smoking for me. My biggest achievement! =
f. We have co-habitted for a week without my parents knowledge and I loved it.
g. We have never been together for a movie together for more than 5 times.
h. He's the neat freak in the relationship, I'm the messy lazy one.
i. We both have a fetish for tattoos.
j. We both love Swenson's 'Sticky Chewy Chocolate' A LOT! =)
All the cliched, sappy love phrases like "I can't live without you in my life", or "You are my sunshine that brightens my day" and all that other stuff that I cannot bear to even mention for fear of feeling too grossed out myself, applies here.
Oh and I forgot to mention that the worst thing is that I'm all the way here and he's all the way there. Oh well c'est la vie. And to everyone else who's repulsed by my post, sod off but please come back for the next post.
It's a beautiful Sunday morning.
{ 1:38 AM }
It's not all a bed of roses and it's true that that which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I can say for certain, that I have experienced a lot more than what normal 19 year olds would have. I have been in the 'scene', the unspoken of, where all the hip is happening, where hallucinations creep into minds after minutes of downing whatevers. I know about the underworld, the underground businesses. I know about the black markets, the buying and selling of products. I know and have been to the dens of gamblers. I know where to go,who to call for what you can't get over supermarket counters. Those that have a silent power to destroy. I have heard personally the experiences of many who have come and gone in this dark industry.
Sometimes I think I know too much, too much to the extent that I grew up too fast. It's not a scene I want to be involved in, but it somehow seems inevitable.
Enough of the seriousness. I can never carry that side of me for too long. I am currently psyched about a lot of things.
a. The Veronicas - I indulge in them.
b. The Melbourne shuffle
c. The lovely weather
d. that tomorrow MAY 7th marks a milestone
e. that in less than 2 weeks we'll be a million miles above sea level
f. that in 3 weeks it's home sweet home
Happy 20th Birthday Mr. Boywin Lee. Lost on the surface, but forever you can depend on this pact we made. Have a lovely adult day 'cos seriously you're officially old and no longer a teen. =P
It's not all a bed of roses and it's true that that which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I can say for certain, that I have experienced a lot more than what normal 19 year olds would have. I have been in the 'scene', the unspoken of, where all the hip is happening, where hallucinations creep into minds after minutes of downing whatevers. I know about the underworld, the underground businesses. I know about the black markets, the buying and selling of products. I know and have been to the dens of gamblers. I know where to go,who to call for what you can't get over supermarket counters. Those that have a silent power to destroy. I have heard personally the experiences of many who have come and gone in this dark industry.
Sometimes I think I know too much, too much to the extent that I grew up too fast. It's not a scene I want to be involved in, but it somehow seems inevitable.
Enough of the seriousness. I can never carry that side of me for too long. I am currently psyched about a lot of things.
a. The Veronicas - I indulge in them.
b. The Melbourne shuffle
c. The lovely weather
d. that tomorrow MAY 7th marks a milestone
e. that in less than 2 weeks we'll be a million miles above sea level
f. that in 3 weeks it's home sweet home
Happy 20th Birthday Mr. Boywin Lee. Lost on the surface, but forever you can depend on this pact we made. Have a lovely adult day 'cos seriously you're officially old and no longer a teen. =P