Saturday, March 31, 2007
{ 11:22 PM }
I'm hoping your day's as wonderful as mine. This marks a wonderful beginning to April.
HE SENT ME A MIRACLE TODAY IN THE FORM OF A PHONE CALL.
I AM ECSTATIC.
I told you there was a silver lining to every cloud.
I AM ECSTATIC.
I told you there was a silver lining to every cloud.
I'm hoping your day's as wonderful as mine. This marks a wonderful beginning to April.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
{ 5:14 AM }
3 days. That's when Alex turns the big 21. And it seems like we're going to a classy, jazz bar called "No Black Tie".
8 days. That's when the crazy party girls hit KL. It promises to be one of the best weekends of my life.
36 days. That's when my Writing Credit is due. 1800 words on democracy and Human Rights.
47 days. That's when my examination week officially starts. Can you say "tension" ?
55 days. That's when my examination week ends. Can you say "freedom"?
59 days. That's when my Law Ball is. The icing on top of a wonderful year (so far) of friends, drama and no boyfriends.
80+ days. That's when I'll be hitting home soil again. I'm excited but not for the reasons I should be excited about.
1 day. That's how long it took me to realise a whole lot of things about myself, my life and the person I want to be remembered as.
11 floors up, it all seems so beautiful.
***
3 days. That's when Alex turns the big 21. And it seems like we're going to a classy, jazz bar called "No Black Tie".
8 days. That's when the crazy party girls hit KL. It promises to be one of the best weekends of my life.
36 days. That's when my Writing Credit is due. 1800 words on democracy and Human Rights.
47 days. That's when my examination week officially starts. Can you say "tension" ?
55 days. That's when my examination week ends. Can you say "freedom"?
59 days. That's when my Law Ball is. The icing on top of a wonderful year (so far) of friends, drama and no boyfriends.
80+ days. That's when I'll be hitting home soil again. I'm excited but not for the reasons I should be excited about.
1 day. That's how long it took me to realise a whole lot of things about myself, my life and the person I want to be remembered as.
11 floors up, it all seems so beautiful.***
Sidetrack, I have three things I really want.
a. Prada Sunglasses. RM$ 672
b. The new Swarovski encrusted Levi's RM$ 328
c. An external hard drive RM$ 200+ (see, i'm not all materialistic)
It's either the above three or a holiday full of fun, laughter and all things good with friends this summer.
Decisions, decisions, decisions..
a. Prada Sunglasses. RM$ 672
b. The new Swarovski encrusted Levi's RM$ 328
c. An external hard drive RM$ 200+ (see, i'm not all materialistic)
It's either the above three or a holiday full of fun, laughter and all things good with friends this summer.
Decisions, decisions, decisions..
Monday, March 26, 2007
{ 2:26 AM }
Today is March the 26th.
Last night, when the time hit 12:00 I said a little prayer for you and wondered if it was 12 your time too.
I prayed that you were well, like you once came and said to me in a dream.
I wondered if people remembered you, that it would have been your big day today, your 21st.
You were the big brother I never had, always looking out for me, always there for me. You understood the pains of growing up, our pains of growing up.
You once said you were proud of me, I never said it, but you knew I was proud of you too.
There are questions left unanswered, and I can deal with that.
We grew up together, playing among the saw dust and wooden planks of our grandfather's office. No one was closer to you than I was.
I looked through your friendster yesterday, words of mourning and we'll never forget you's. I wonder if they still remember you the way that I do.
Today would have had been a blast, 21 birthday bashes for you.
Today is March the 26th. I really, really miss you.
Today is March the 26th.
Last night, when the time hit 12:00 I said a little prayer for you and wondered if it was 12 your time too.
I prayed that you were well, like you once came and said to me in a dream.
I wondered if people remembered you, that it would have been your big day today, your 21st.
You were the big brother I never had, always looking out for me, always there for me. You understood the pains of growing up, our pains of growing up.
You once said you were proud of me, I never said it, but you knew I was proud of you too.
There are questions left unanswered, and I can deal with that.
We grew up together, playing among the saw dust and wooden planks of our grandfather's office. No one was closer to you than I was.
I looked through your friendster yesterday, words of mourning and we'll never forget you's. I wonder if they still remember you the way that I do.
Today would have had been a blast, 21 birthday bashes for you.
Today is March the 26th. I really, really miss you.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
{ 7:45 PM }
Dinner at TGIF, on a wednesday night mind you, was much needed. Some needed it more than others, I belonged to the latter. Just a few of us friends, we talked about everything under the stars. Dinner and drinks were wonderful, the company was the greatest combo ever. =)
Dinner at TGIF, on a wednesday night mind you, was much needed. Some needed it more than others, I belonged to the latter. Just a few of us friends, we talked about everything under the stars. Dinner and drinks were wonderful, the company was the greatest combo ever. =)
Friday, March 23, 2007
{ 11:08 PM }
For the first time in a long time I feel happy; genuine, sincere, big-smile-on-my-face happiness.
For the first time in a long time, I have control over my life. I do what I want to do, no consultations, no reports needed.
For the first time in a long time, I am having fun; even if it only has been a day.
For the first time in a long time, I have no commitments, no responsibilities towards other people, no burdens.
For the first time in a long time, I am alone. And it feels damn good.
For the first time in a long time I feel happy; genuine, sincere, big-smile-on-my-face happiness.
For the first time in a long time, I have control over my life. I do what I want to do, no consultations, no reports needed.
For the first time in a long time, I am having fun; even if it only has been a day.
For the first time in a long time, I have no commitments, no responsibilities towards other people, no burdens.
For the first time in a long time, I am alone. And it feels damn good.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
{ 2:20 AM }
WRONG.
"Think twice before you say something"
I think 50 times ahead now. Don't mind me if I've grown more silent, my minds just thinking.. "should say.. no no, don't say. Say lar... oh, never mind"
I cannot recall the number of times I've said something and then gone back on it. I used to wonder why people don't believe in promises. Now, I know.
It's because of people like me that cynical people exist.
But then again, I try to the be the most sincere person possible and every time I say something I mean it. I can't pin point a time where I've said something and didn't mean it, just so happens I have a tendency to change my mind very quickly.
So, the next time I say something and it sounds like one of those "here she goes again" speeches.. IGNORE ME
WRONG.
"Think twice before you say something"
I think 50 times ahead now. Don't mind me if I've grown more silent, my minds just thinking.. "should say.. no no, don't say. Say lar... oh, never mind"
I cannot recall the number of times I've said something and then gone back on it. I used to wonder why people don't believe in promises. Now, I know.
It's because of people like me that cynical people exist.
But then again, I try to the be the most sincere person possible and every time I say something I mean it. I can't pin point a time where I've said something and didn't mean it, just so happens I have a tendency to change my mind very quickly.
So, the next time I say something and it sounds like one of those "here she goes again" speeches.. IGNORE ME
Sunday, March 18, 2007
{ 9:16 PM }
Just realised how wrong the title sounded. But no, it's no where near kinky.
There are approximately 6.5 billion people in this world.
My mother told me that the most important thing in life is to find someone who loves you.
Oh, wait....
I told my self that the most important thing in life is to find someone who loves me. To filter, from the 6,525,170,264 (estimated June, 2006), to ONE single individual who will love me whole heartedly, endlessly, forever and ever.
I think I've passed the 'forever and ever' stage, but I would still like to believe it exists, cut me some slack, I'm idealistic and naive that way.
Someone who will love me even if I turn 20 kilos overweight, who will tolerate my feminine indecisiveness, who will love me even if i don't have Gisele's body, who will tolerate my shopping (note: he doesn't have to support my shopping, just tolerate it, but if he's willing no one's stopping him), who will ask for my opinion, who will tolerate my sudden outbursts of temper flares, who will make me feel like the only person in the world worth doing anything for, who basically, cannot live without me.
Call it luck, but I've met two. Now, what?
Fuck.
Just realised how wrong the title sounded. But no, it's no where near kinky.
There are approximately 6.5 billion people in this world.
My mother told me that the most important thing in life is to find someone who loves you.
Oh, wait....
I told my self that the most important thing in life is to find someone who loves me. To filter, from the 6,525,170,264 (estimated June, 2006), to ONE single individual who will love me whole heartedly, endlessly, forever and ever.
I think I've passed the 'forever and ever' stage, but I would still like to believe it exists, cut me some slack, I'm idealistic and naive that way.
Someone who will love me even if I turn 20 kilos overweight, who will tolerate my feminine indecisiveness, who will love me even if i don't have Gisele's body, who will tolerate my shopping (note: he doesn't have to support my shopping, just tolerate it, but if he's willing no one's stopping him), who will ask for my opinion, who will tolerate my sudden outbursts of temper flares, who will make me feel like the only person in the world worth doing anything for, who basically, cannot live without me.
Call it luck, but I've met two. Now, what?
Fuck.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
{ 5:11 AM }
... may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
There's a quote I took off a friend's friendster page: "The only way I will do an ounce of good in this world is to do whatever that makes me happy".
We're so consumed living our lives the way other people want us to that we eventually manage to lie and convince ourselves that it is the right way our lives should be.
It's is a crazy world out there, and I've only seen a miniscule portion of it. If we are all called to be robots, identical photocopies of each other, we would all be too dead, dull and boring - lifeless.
We're looking for comfort, acceptance, approval. In my opinion, as long as you have the people you love and care for, you have everything you need.
The truth is we should not be seeking their approval and love. They are the ones who have the duty of respecting you for any decisions only you and you alone can make.
The problem with us, human beings is that we never know what we've got till it's gone. It is true, that we have but one life to live, and if we live it the way others tell us to (impliedly or expresly) then we're really not living our lives are we. We're living theirs.
So, don't force your ideologies down my throat, point a gun at me and tell me to swallow. I don't want to live a life of regret and I won't.
People can say what they want, they can do what they want, in the end if I do things my way and end up happy, I don't think I need to care about anyone else. Besides you had the choice of standing on my side, you gave that up. So, tell me again why I should care about you?
I am merely an individual trying to live my life, my way. So please, don't even try to stop me.
Just a shout out to Shuv, Wc, Eve Ades, Sam, Ying, the girls who have been so wonderfully supportive, throughout this whole ordeal.
... may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
There's a quote I took off a friend's friendster page: "The only way I will do an ounce of good in this world is to do whatever that makes me happy".
We're so consumed living our lives the way other people want us to that we eventually manage to lie and convince ourselves that it is the right way our lives should be.
It's is a crazy world out there, and I've only seen a miniscule portion of it. If we are all called to be robots, identical photocopies of each other, we would all be too dead, dull and boring - lifeless.
We're looking for comfort, acceptance, approval. In my opinion, as long as you have the people you love and care for, you have everything you need.
The truth is we should not be seeking their approval and love. They are the ones who have the duty of respecting you for any decisions only you and you alone can make.
The problem with us, human beings is that we never know what we've got till it's gone. It is true, that we have but one life to live, and if we live it the way others tell us to (impliedly or expresly) then we're really not living our lives are we. We're living theirs.
So, don't force your ideologies down my throat, point a gun at me and tell me to swallow. I don't want to live a life of regret and I won't.
People can say what they want, they can do what they want, in the end if I do things my way and end up happy, I don't think I need to care about anyone else. Besides you had the choice of standing on my side, you gave that up. So, tell me again why I should care about you?
I am merely an individual trying to live my life, my way. So please, don't even try to stop me.
Just a shout out to Shuv, Wc, Eve Ades, Sam, Ying, the girls who have been so wonderfully supportive, throughout this whole ordeal.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
{ 5:24 AM }
He rescues me, even in the weirdest circumstance. He has the soul of a saint, eventhough he may sometimes lack the patience of one. He puts a smile on my face, even if he is currently just giving me smiley faces. He catches me when I need him to. He says all the right things at the right time. He is one in a million, make that that two million.
So, there's this guy. He turned 21 today. I pray for all good things to happen to him, because that's what he deserves. I pray for health and peace. I pray for strength and growth. I also pray that he would stop skipping classes because 'the weather is too hot' (excuses!) and that he'd have a wonderful time tonight, whatever he's doing.
Happy 21st Birthday Chien.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
{ 8:36 AM }
I find it amusing, the fact that someone who hasn't seen you a handful of times, let alone talks to you feels that she can pass judgment on you.
I'm aware of the fact that I cannot stop people from saying what they want to say, but the least they could do is to get their facts right.
I'm no where near proud of what I've done, I admit it. But to accuse me of finding some sick satisfaction in hurting others? Firstly, that's a self made assumption. Secondly, if I had that disorder, I'd be first to slaughter myself.
My life is preoccupied as it is, with family and work piling up. If I had anytime to spare, underestimating you would not be last on my list, it wouldn't even exist on the list. Honestly, no offence, but you never even crossed my mind, so I'm baffled by the fact that you think I have the time to underestimate you.
And also, I wasn't the least bit interested in running into you, our social circles don't even click, but now that you've threatened me, I'm maybe a little keen. Just to see what you can/will do and your basis for doing it.
You know I've thought about not even mentioning this out of respect to the other party involved, but then again if I don't defend myself, no one will.
If you want to judge me, and this I speak in general terms, it'll suck but the least you could do is find legitimate reasons to hate me.
I haven't had this kind of conflict in, forever. At least it spiced up my 'very routined' day a bit.
On a less related note, if once bitten twice shy, then tell me this, who cocked up the saying of "third time's the charm"?
I find it amusing, the fact that someone who hasn't seen you a handful of times, let alone talks to you feels that she can pass judgment on you.
I'm aware of the fact that I cannot stop people from saying what they want to say, but the least they could do is to get their facts right.
I'm no where near proud of what I've done, I admit it. But to accuse me of finding some sick satisfaction in hurting others? Firstly, that's a self made assumption. Secondly, if I had that disorder, I'd be first to slaughter myself.
My life is preoccupied as it is, with family and work piling up. If I had anytime to spare, underestimating you would not be last on my list, it wouldn't even exist on the list. Honestly, no offence, but you never even crossed my mind, so I'm baffled by the fact that you think I have the time to underestimate you.
And also, I wasn't the least bit interested in running into you, our social circles don't even click, but now that you've threatened me, I'm maybe a little keen. Just to see what you can/will do and your basis for doing it.
You know I've thought about not even mentioning this out of respect to the other party involved, but then again if I don't defend myself, no one will.
If you want to judge me, and this I speak in general terms, it'll suck but the least you could do is find legitimate reasons to hate me.
I haven't had this kind of conflict in, forever. At least it spiced up my 'very routined' day a bit.
On a less related note, if once bitten twice shy, then tell me this, who cocked up the saying of "third time's the charm"?
Monday, March 05, 2007
{ 7:50 AM }
Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 5 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!
1. I'd like to believe I'm extremely creative but I just haven't put that creativity to good use yet. I am a Pisces after all, supposedly the artistic zodiac sign. I have so many ideas that have just yet to come out. Ideas about music, about innovative furniture, about fashion, about my future house, about changing the world.
2. The more I'm told I can't, the more I will prove to people that I can, and I will go to all extremes just to prove them wrong. I abosolutely hate it when someone tells me what I can or cannot do. I think that honour belongs to no one else but myself.
3. I don't eat pork. Haven't been for the past 10 years.
4. I fear tweezing my brows. I am extremely paranoid that something will just go wrong and the blade will just thrust into my eyeball. The paranoia is so serious that the moment I close my eyes, I clasp my hands together, hold my breath and count to 10. The price to pay for wanting nice brows.
5. It's sad to say that my family doesn't know what kind of a person I really am. They don't always know what's best for you.
6. I don't know why I am in law school. I ask myself this everyday.
note: I don't know who to tag this to, 'cos most of the people have already been tagged so I'm ending the chain I guess. =)
I feel like crap, for lack of a better word, these few days. Some things are just too personal to be told to the whole world. Losing all motivation to post. Give me a few weeks alright.
Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 5 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!
1. I'd like to believe I'm extremely creative but I just haven't put that creativity to good use yet. I am a Pisces after all, supposedly the artistic zodiac sign. I have so many ideas that have just yet to come out. Ideas about music, about innovative furniture, about fashion, about my future house, about changing the world.
2. The more I'm told I can't, the more I will prove to people that I can, and I will go to all extremes just to prove them wrong. I abosolutely hate it when someone tells me what I can or cannot do. I think that honour belongs to no one else but myself.
3. I don't eat pork. Haven't been for the past 10 years.
4. I fear tweezing my brows. I am extremely paranoid that something will just go wrong and the blade will just thrust into my eyeball. The paranoia is so serious that the moment I close my eyes, I clasp my hands together, hold my breath and count to 10. The price to pay for wanting nice brows.
5. It's sad to say that my family doesn't know what kind of a person I really am. They don't always know what's best for you.
6. I don't know why I am in law school. I ask myself this everyday.
note: I don't know who to tag this to, 'cos most of the people have already been tagged so I'm ending the chain I guess. =)
I feel like crap, for lack of a better word, these few days. Some things are just too personal to be told to the whole world. Losing all motivation to post. Give me a few weeks alright.