Wednesday, January 30, 2008
{ 4:03 PM }
That's how I feel.
A few years ago I read my yearly predictions from the Chinese Horoscope book my family buys, not so much the fact that we obsessively believe and follow everything it says but just being, Chinese, we're minutely supersitious and wholly curious about the future. There's not much that I remember about what I've read but all I know is that rabbits (that's me in chinese horoscope language) will be welcomed in, if I'm not wrong, Cycle 8 (or some cyclical rotation), with all thing successful, career, money, health, family and funnily enough even in the love department. tsk!
Anyway, for all the positivisim that brought me, great! I'm the kind of person who reads my daily horoscope a day after, to try and pin point an occurence that could relate to my horoscope. I back track instead of trying to 'predict the future'. We, Chinese, like to believe all the good and dismiss ALL the bad via scepticism.
So far, life hasn't been a bowl of cheery red cherries or sunshiny days, especially since those are rare in this grey, gloomy island! But life has been really good to me, extremely good in fact, in so many other ways. So in many cases when people think 'Why not I?', I ask 'Why me?'. Because really, what have I done to deserve all the things that I've received. I believe in karma and you don't stand to gain good things by remaining stangnantly neutral. Good things happen because you give good. So what good have I done, I can't seem to really pin point.
Maybe the goodness that I have to act on is yet to arrive and all good things that have happened to me are like debts or is this a soul-selling deal with the devil that I've just forgotten.
My parents haven given me and my sister a lifestyle that we have no right to complain about. They've worked hard for us and I feel myself putting a lot on pressure on myself to give to them what they've given me. Even more so with graduation creeping closer. I feel that pressure, their expectations carry such great weight. I'm so afraid of not being able to give my dad a shiny white BMW 330i or my mum, barrels of Vuittons and Hermes. Materialistic as they may be, it's what they deserve for being able to accomodate my crazy spending habits and for giving me, what they think is, nothing but the best.
It's times like this that I remember how lucky and blessed I am. And it's moments like this where I miss MY home terribly, especially with Chinese New Year just around the corner.
That's how I feel.
A few years ago I read my yearly predictions from the Chinese Horoscope book my family buys, not so much the fact that we obsessively believe and follow everything it says but just being, Chinese, we're minutely supersitious and wholly curious about the future. There's not much that I remember about what I've read but all I know is that rabbits (that's me in chinese horoscope language) will be welcomed in, if I'm not wrong, Cycle 8 (or some cyclical rotation), with all thing successful, career, money, health, family and funnily enough even in the love department. tsk!
Anyway, for all the positivisim that brought me, great! I'm the kind of person who reads my daily horoscope a day after, to try and pin point an occurence that could relate to my horoscope. I back track instead of trying to 'predict the future'. We, Chinese, like to believe all the good and dismiss ALL the bad via scepticism.
So far, life hasn't been a bowl of cheery red cherries or sunshiny days, especially since those are rare in this grey, gloomy island! But life has been really good to me, extremely good in fact, in so many other ways. So in many cases when people think 'Why not I?', I ask 'Why me?'. Because really, what have I done to deserve all the things that I've received. I believe in karma and you don't stand to gain good things by remaining stangnantly neutral. Good things happen because you give good. So what good have I done, I can't seem to really pin point.
Maybe the goodness that I have to act on is yet to arrive and all good things that have happened to me are like debts or is this a soul-selling deal with the devil that I've just forgotten.
My parents haven given me and my sister a lifestyle that we have no right to complain about. They've worked hard for us and I feel myself putting a lot on pressure on myself to give to them what they've given me. Even more so with graduation creeping closer. I feel that pressure, their expectations carry such great weight. I'm so afraid of not being able to give my dad a shiny white BMW 330i or my mum, barrels of Vuittons and Hermes. Materialistic as they may be, it's what they deserve for being able to accomodate my crazy spending habits and for giving me, what they think is, nothing but the best.
It's times like this that I remember how lucky and blessed I am. And it's moments like this where I miss MY home terribly, especially with Chinese New Year just around the corner.
Monday, January 21, 2008
{ 3:35 PM }
Every night with my mum, I used to pray for an end to poverty, sickness, pain, suffering that God or some greater power would bring me a miracle to cure this sick world. I still pray for these things, sort of as a formality, almost as if I could take a small part of credit IF one day this rotating sphere were cured again.
From there, I've learnt division between my dreams and ideas from reality. I am a somewhat grounded idealist, wishing for all good things to happen to people everywhere but at the same time knowing my boundaries and limits. Every little bit helps, they say and it is true to a great extent but when will it ever be enough? What is enough? When will the rich stop getting richer and the poor absorbing a small bit of it? When will we care, truly and even if we do, what are we going to do about it? When will the hungry be fed and the thirst of many quenched, just as God had said?
These things are among the many other things that seep through my mind. I need a stop button because I get so immersed in idealistic thought that I lose all sense of concentration in the present.
On a lighter note, Happy Belated 21st Birthday Ms. Stephaine Tee...
...and a Belated 22nd to Mr. Cornelius Cheong.
Deepest wishes for all things wonderful from me. May this year be somehow different that the previous, in all ways good.
The workload is driving me bonkers. Thank goodness Monday just passed! Five more months in this torturous life as a law student, FIVE MORE MONTHS!
Every night with my mum, I used to pray for an end to poverty, sickness, pain, suffering that God or some greater power would bring me a miracle to cure this sick world. I still pray for these things, sort of as a formality, almost as if I could take a small part of credit IF one day this rotating sphere were cured again.
From there, I've learnt division between my dreams and ideas from reality. I am a somewhat grounded idealist, wishing for all good things to happen to people everywhere but at the same time knowing my boundaries and limits. Every little bit helps, they say and it is true to a great extent but when will it ever be enough? What is enough? When will the rich stop getting richer and the poor absorbing a small bit of it? When will we care, truly and even if we do, what are we going to do about it? When will the hungry be fed and the thirst of many quenched, just as God had said?
These things are among the many other things that seep through my mind. I need a stop button because I get so immersed in idealistic thought that I lose all sense of concentration in the present.
On a lighter note, Happy Belated 21st Birthday Ms. Stephaine Tee...
...and a Belated 22nd to Mr. Cornelius Cheong.
Deepest wishes for all things wonderful from me. May this year be somehow different that the previous, in all ways good.The workload is driving me bonkers. Thank goodness Monday just passed! Five more months in this torturous life as a law student, FIVE MORE MONTHS!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
{ 5:42 PM }
My new Dell 1520 is here, it's a tad bit bigger then I expected it to be but heck it's perfect in every other way.
I'd write a proper post and make a new layout but I don't have all my pictures yet, my new external HD is not here yet and I have no Photoshop!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive.
Please come back to my not-quite abandoned blog because I will write more jibberish really soon. Like... by next week, after all my tutes are over. *grins*
My new Dell 1520 is here, it's a tad bit bigger then I expected it to be but heck it's perfect in every other way.
I'd write a proper post and make a new layout but I don't have all my pictures yet, my new external HD is not here yet and I have no Photoshop!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive.
Please come back to my not-quite abandoned blog because I will write more jibberish really soon. Like... by next week, after all my tutes are over. *grins*
Thursday, January 03, 2008
{ 11:34 AM }
Better late than never, I always say. Here, here to 2008! I call it my '08 because it is my lucky number, my lucky year.
There's something about '08. I welcomed it differently this year, single (still!), in a completely different country, with people I've never spent New Years Eve with, or in one persons case (ahem) in a long time. What did I feel? Amazingly, comfortable. We made our way to Waterloo bridge to catch the fireworks near the London Eye at midnight. Amidst the thronging crowd, big Ben chiming and chaos all around, I caught myself having a moment to myself.
I reflected on the 20years of my life that's passed by and sincerely, felt grateful that I'm alive and also proud that I turned out to be the way that I am. All my days of almost self-destructing myself and I've yet to made a absurdly life-wrecking mistake. Good job, Michelle!
This year will be a year of BIG changes.
It's the year I graduate (*fingers crossed), the year I turn 21, the year I transition into real adulthood, the year I find out what really lies ahead of me, the year I officially leave my teenage years of fun and frolic behind and take on some serious responsibility.
It's a new year and I can't remember the last time I've felt to refreshed, rejuvenated, renewed! I feel a year of nothing but good things, a year of nothing but progress, a year of nothing but peace in my family. This year just feels.. different. I sense it in my bones.
Happy New Year everyone! My deepest wishes for the year ahead of you. May you feel as naively optimistic as I do.
Pictures over the holidays!
I have an urge to brag about what arrived in the mail today. But humility is a virtue, so I shall do just that, be humble. *giggles*
More pictures on fb. Back to the real world now, work work work
Better late than never, I always say. Here, here to 2008! I call it my '08 because it is my lucky number, my lucky year.
There's something about '08. I welcomed it differently this year, single (still!), in a completely different country, with people I've never spent New Years Eve with, or in one persons case (ahem) in a long time. What did I feel? Amazingly, comfortable. We made our way to Waterloo bridge to catch the fireworks near the London Eye at midnight. Amidst the thronging crowd, big Ben chiming and chaos all around, I caught myself having a moment to myself.
I reflected on the 20years of my life that's passed by and sincerely, felt grateful that I'm alive and also proud that I turned out to be the way that I am. All my days of almost self-destructing myself and I've yet to made a absurdly life-wrecking mistake. Good job, Michelle!
This year will be a year of BIG changes.
It's the year I graduate (*fingers crossed), the year I turn 21, the year I transition into real adulthood, the year I find out what really lies ahead of me, the year I officially leave my teenage years of fun and frolic behind and take on some serious responsibility.
It's a new year and I can't remember the last time I've felt to refreshed, rejuvenated, renewed! I feel a year of nothing but good things, a year of nothing but progress, a year of nothing but peace in my family. This year just feels.. different. I sense it in my bones.
Happy New Year everyone! My deepest wishes for the year ahead of you. May you feel as naively optimistic as I do.
Pictures over the holidays!
I have an urge to brag about what arrived in the mail today. But humility is a virtue, so I shall do just that, be humble. *giggles*
More pictures on fb. Back to the real world now, work work work
