in search of EdeN

Thursday, March 27, 2008 { 4:53 PM }

I see the words go in and out of my head. Page after page after page. When will this end? I should be worrying about my work. My exams are in exactly 33 days. I SHOULD be worried about that. I am graduating, that hasn't kicked in yet. I should be worried.

Instead, what's bugging me is the fact that I need a new haircut.

Someone please stranggle the life out of me. *sigh*

Monday, March 17, 2008 { 6:22 PM }

The choices and decisions you make, no matter how small or big, ultimately decide where in life you'll land on. Like a game of snakes and ladders, we're all trying to reach the end so that we can look back on our journey and see all ladders that we've climbed and the many, many, many snakes that we've landed on to bring us down, down, down, again.

It's one thing to act irrationally in deperation. It's another to be young, desperate and irrational.

I've come to realise that youth should be equated with courage. Go on, live dangerously. It's okay, when you're young to rebel, make mistakes and break rules. No one will give you a serious penalty for it. After all, they'd probably blame it on the fact that you were young and knew no better. So I say, go all out. Do not be afraid of consequences, you learn vastly from them and truth be told, they are life moulding experiences.

*****

This is for my sister, who was once upon a time, estranged from me. But I think she's found me and she's growing up to see what this cruel life can do and the oddly, beautiful things it has to offer. She's my only sister, and one that my mother has constantly had to remind me that I would be alone without. I hope for her to be able to look for the beauty in life, to have deeper vision for what all this is about. I hope that everyday brings to her something worth appreaciating. I hope for her a strong heart with passion running through every vein. And I hope for her courage, to not always follow the rules, to have a voice and to not be afraid to take chances.

I think, now, more than ever we are closer to each other. Thanks for finding me, brat.

Friday, March 14, 2008 { 4:38 AM }

Sometimes you get so sick and tired of this psychotic revolving creation of God.

So much anger, so much hate, so much pain, so much angst, too many emotions attached.

When days are wet and grey and blue skies are no where to be found.

When trouble, one after another, persistenly torments you.

When you feel the lack of strength to carry on and just want to curl up in bed, blast the speakers and immerse yourself in a world of nothingness.

When you lack inspiration, drive and passion. When the fiery redness is dampen by critics and pessimists. How do you fight?

If I could I would. Give me a room, paint brushes and lots of paint, and I will create a world just for me, where everything is beautiful. If only we we live in a photoshopped world. Then everything will be breath-takingly beautiful.

Thursday, March 13, 2008 { 8:08 PM }

I am so annoyed because it's 4:06am and I am not the least bit sleepy!

Monday, March 10, 2008 { 10:45 AM }

The teeth grinding buzzing behind my back,
The friction against my bones,
The fusion of blood red and black ink,
Add a dash of colour, just a little, not too much,
The teeth grinding buzzing behind my back,
The purple hand from a suffocating squeeze,
Another layer, armour like, art-like,
I think I'm ready again.

Saturday, March 08, 2008 { 6:34 AM }

I am twenty one. I have to be grown up, I know. But some things just do not change. Not naming names, BUT

why do we just never get rid of annoying bees, expecially the queens that rule the hive.

why does the drama, that never concerns me, thankfully, always seem to irk me.

why do people need center stage...... ALL THE TIME.

why do innocent people have to carry the guilty plate.

why are some people so persistent that the world HAS to revolve around them. And if it doesn't they plot a come back.

why do some people manage to corrupt the minds of others with their wrong interpretations

why do some make mountains out of molehills.

and why after so many efforts to stay out of the drama I cannot help but be consumed because the people who are directly affected by it are people who are my friends.

Sunday, March 02, 2008 { 10:12 AM }

There are moments in this sometimes overly chaotic life that I become so consumed with the fuzziness, the buzz, the bigger issues revolving around me that I lose sight of all the small things that make up the core of my reason for living, or so I'd like to think.

It is in this moment that I think that I've taken you for granted. And maybe today I will put it all aside and allow myself to miss you.