Monday, April 28, 2008
{ 3:26 PM }
My calm exterior is deteriorating, the layers are unfolding to reveal a soaring pulse rate and entagled web of nerves.
I am trying to be very calm, to have a 'come what may' approach to everything and to not let my external environment affect me. I am trying.
MY EXAM IS IN ONE DAY. THIS IS DRIVING ME LIP BITINGLY MENTAL.
=S
My calm exterior is deteriorating, the layers are unfolding to reveal a soaring pulse rate and entagled web of nerves.
I am trying to be very calm, to have a 'come what may' approach to everything and to not let my external environment affect me. I am trying.
MY EXAM IS IN ONE DAY. THIS IS DRIVING ME LIP BITINGLY MENTAL.
=S
Sunday, April 27, 2008
{ 4:56 AM }
10 days.
Just 10 more days till the end of my exams. The last (I hope) of it. The final time I am ever going to go in an echoed hall, palms sweaty and constantly repeating verses in my mind to calm down. With reminders to take deep breaths and to hope that God will be guiding me. This is the last time, the time that will conclude my undergrad law degree, the time that will determine the rank of my degree, the worth of it; whether three years of reading legislation and cases, three years of stress and nerve bursting moments and fee credit have gone into good worth.
In two months, I'll be attending my convocation and I do want to make my family proud, dad and mum especially for believing in me, and somehow depending on me.
What comes next, then?
Life. I suppose. Real life.
What are you going to do? Where are you going to work? What do you want to go into? Do you plan to do the Bar? When are you going to get married? Who are you going to get married to? Will you strike it big? Will you make a difference? What does your existence in this world mean? Will your dreams come true? Will you look back and be satisfied with all that you've done or will you just spiral downwards to join the cog in the clockwork wheels?
I think I am most afraid of looking back and realising that I've achieved none of my dreams.
Here, here to an almost full fleged working adult.
Thank you to everyone who has in the sweetest, smallest possible ways motivated me and kept me sane in this very, very, very highly stressful and eruptive week. And to others who have done nothing but make things worse.. eesh!
Friday, April 18, 2008
{ 6:08 PM }
I've been told that I'm very lucky, and this I have no doubts about this, and that they sometimes wish they had my life. I wonder if they know that I sometimes wish I had theirs...
Familiarity hates me for being so clingy. I need to be braver and more adventurous. I really want to know what lies ahead and where my life will take me. Will it open greater doors, will it remain dull, mundane and constant or will it be full of interesting challenges?
All I want is to make the right choices, meet the right people and live semi-happily (being less greedy here) ever after. I'm surprised to find that this burned out world has not destroyed all my dreams yet. Thanks mum, for giving me hope *fingers crossed*.
Another gruelling, torturous three weeks till the END of my exams, for good. I've been deprived of shopping, been eyeing a few MarcJacobs and Chloe dresses for quite some time now. I am waiting to spend, spend, spend. There's just something very therapeutic about shopping.
{ 6:35 AM }
They say when reading, try to picture the scenario/situation/circumstance. The one good thing about Criminology is that you don't have to cite cases or legislation. But you do to detach from your own state of mind and place yourself in a whole different position to try envisage what exactly the theorist is trying to do, and really these theorists have too much time on their hands I think. Instead of citing cases, you need to remember names, and mind you, there's a whole list of it. And the best I can do is to imagine the theorists verbally explaning his studies to me, but I'm completely clueless on how each theorist looks like. This is the best I can come up with.
a. Matsueda: old Japanese guy, who is, weirdly enough,studying American sociology. Reminisce of Hiro Nakamura (Heroes) but 50years older.
b. Rose: English lady, prim and proper, very Helen Keller. Until I read more to find out she was actually a he.
c. Becker: Becker, the TV series on Star World. I always get a laugh out of reading Becker's theories, just because Dr. Becker is completely bull.
d. Travis Hirschi: Heavily tattoo-ed Blink 182 drummer, explaining his theory on control theories to me. Except he needs a big dose of his own self-control theories himself.
e. Kornhauser: very old mac donald. white beard, wrinkles, intense, serious stare. Turns our he is really a she. Cons of referring to them by their surname, very not gender-friendly.
f. Cohen: From th OC. I try my best to imagine Seth Cohen, eventhough realistically speaking, Sandy Cohen would suit the lecturing role a lot. Him being an attorney contributes significantly to the fact that I can imagine him ranting on and on about crime and subculture.
And to think I thought Crim was easy(er) than the rest.
They say when reading, try to picture the scenario/situation/circumstance. The one good thing about Criminology is that you don't have to cite cases or legislation. But you do to detach from your own state of mind and place yourself in a whole different position to try envisage what exactly the theorist is trying to do, and really these theorists have too much time on their hands I think. Instead of citing cases, you need to remember names, and mind you, there's a whole list of it. And the best I can do is to imagine the theorists verbally explaning his studies to me, but I'm completely clueless on how each theorist looks like. This is the best I can come up with.
a. Matsueda: old Japanese guy, who is, weirdly enough,studying American sociology. Reminisce of Hiro Nakamura (Heroes) but 50years older.
b. Rose: English lady, prim and proper, very Helen Keller. Until I read more to find out she was actually a he.
c. Becker: Becker, the TV series on Star World. I always get a laugh out of reading Becker's theories, just because Dr. Becker is completely bull.
d. Travis Hirschi: Heavily tattoo-ed Blink 182 drummer, explaining his theory on control theories to me. Except he needs a big dose of his own self-control theories himself.
e. Kornhauser: very old mac donald. white beard, wrinkles, intense, serious stare. Turns our he is really a she. Cons of referring to them by their surname, very not gender-friendly.
f. Cohen: From th OC. I try my best to imagine Seth Cohen, eventhough realistically speaking, Sandy Cohen would suit the lecturing role a lot. Him being an attorney contributes significantly to the fact that I can imagine him ranting on and on about crime and subculture.
And to think I thought Crim was easy(er) than the rest.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
{ 6:03 AM }
You know what's harder than getting over someone?
Getting over someone getting over you, that's what.
You know what's harder than getting over someone?
Getting over someone getting over you, that's what.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
{ 4:27 PM }
It's one thing to write something not very nice about someone. BUT IT'S ANOTHER TO LET SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THE BLAME FOR IT.
So, whoever you (all) are, I just want you to know I am so annoyed at you (all). Not because I've become your scapegoat or your big shield or your diversion but because I am being accused of something I DID NOT do.
I've never been one to blog so directly about someone but this time.. go figure because you also one kind, don't start pointing fingers until you really know lar. And I don't really care that my English is crap now. People have different opinions but mine, of you, was very impartial. You don't step on me, I don't step on you... BUT NOW... GAH.
I can choose not to care, just like everyone says but really you TWO (or more) are so... no comment.
k, rant over. Can start on Criminology now.
Good luck studying everyone!
It's one thing to write something not very nice about someone. BUT IT'S ANOTHER TO LET SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THE BLAME FOR IT.
So, whoever you (all) are, I just want you to know I am so annoyed at you (all). Not because I've become your scapegoat or your big shield or your diversion but because I am being accused of something I DID NOT do.
I've never been one to blog so directly about someone but this time.. go figure because you also one kind, don't start pointing fingers until you really know lar. And I don't really care that my English is crap now. People have different opinions but mine, of you, was very impartial. You don't step on me, I don't step on you... BUT NOW... GAH.
I can choose not to care, just like everyone says but really you TWO (or more) are so... no comment.
k, rant over. Can start on Criminology now.
Good luck studying everyone!
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
{ 5:38 PM }
We get so caught up sometimes, with things that we think are important to us that we lose track of the moments that unknowingly pass us by. People call love a crazy little thing, if so, then what of life?
Everyone keeps reminiscing of the good ol' times. How many times have you heard the phrase or seen facebook pictures captioned 'those were the days'? Does this mean that the older we grow the more depressed we become? Because at every stage that passes us by, we look back and think of all the beautiful moments, and wishing how we could all return to our youthful, carefree days, all this while rarely, if ever, looking forward and expecting the many, many more glorious days.
Our presence in the world is like a chess game, every decision made, from the way you wear your hair to which job to apply for, every move you make paves the way for new opportunities, new beginnings, new hope.
If it's one thing I've learnt this year, it's to loosen my grip of my past, to be more selfish and to love myself more. Well, that's three things. Narcissism, not in the form of self-taken vain pictures or admiring the reflection that looks back at me, but narcissism that wants to protect and shield myself.
Remember, life is a chess game. It's not over until you breathe your last breath and then... checkmate.