Wednesday, July 02, 2008
{ 11:12 PM }
I hope so, at least.
The opposite of love is hate and it is so easy to cross that boundary, almost like flipping a switch. In the heat of anger, fiery stares emerge and words cut like blades of ice. Bars separate two beings whose lives were once dependant on each other.
The world rotates, times change, people grow to realise what they really want. Nothing is for certain, I would advise not to be too sure of anything, even a love that you feel is so strong, so powerful, so un-eraseable.
When the cookie crumbles, you see a different side to that person, a side so ugly, so cruel, so cold. A dimension so scary that it makes me wonder how I've failed to see it after such a long, long time.
You are such an a-hole. Let me remember this forever.
{ 1:01 AM }
I re-read my posts and look at things from an outsiders point of view, sometimes. I tend to write very vaguely, so if you have no clue what's going on in my life, I highly doubt people will get it. I think this blog is more for me than anyone else, I write to remember. These posts are like trigger points, that remind me of what happened, what emotions and feelings are running through this frame.
I'm back home, for good. At least that's what the current plan looks like. Things are changing and I would like to embrace this big big lifestyle change whole heartedly. Be a better person, meet new people, catch up with old ones, travel, be free, really.
I have a great support system. I'm not not running, when the time is right I will stop running. When the lion gets his courage, when the timing is right, I will stand and look at my greatest fear in the eye and say I am closing that chapter.
I am so, so, so hopeful. I get this all the time, and time and time again I've failed so miserably. It never hurts to have a little faith, like free falling, not knowing what's down below but taking the jump anyway. I'm so desperate to get out, I mean I've been trying and fighting for the longest time. So if this fails, same story, people get hurt, you fall, get back up and try again.
Last night was motivation enough for me. *finger crossed*